Before I start each time I wrote something that will be marked with a date. Some may be days side by side, others I do not know. I am uncertain if I will post this. If I do, well, yeah. This I guess is a document leading up to my College Graduation and my day of Graduation.
So, today is somewhat a special day, sort of. I really do not know the exact date. Today is the day I started to work on my story, the main one I want to publish, eight years ago possibly today. I am glad I marked when I worked on other stories after this one. But anyways, even writing this now I am a little uncertain how much I will talk about it.
I write a lot. I am majoring in Professional Writing and currently at the time this post goes up, I am about a month away from finishing my Junior year. But knowing I wanted to have this major did not start on this day all those years ago. It goes back way before that.
Buying manga, I think is the most ridiculous thing that I have to do in order to get a physical copy of something I enjoy. Sure I could go without buying it, but I want to. The idea of owning something, something that I enjoy, I really like. I also support the official release. Now, you may be wondering, why is it so ridiculous? It is simple. There are only two stores within twenty six miles that I know how to get to that has manga.
Near my school there is a small comic book store. Inside they have a very small amount of manga, most in which is used and incomplete series. I was thinking of picking up AI Love You there, but they were missing a few of the volumes, and since it is no longer published my options are limited.
Friendship is an odd thing for me. I am a naturally introvert person. I have trusting issues caused be something in my childhood that I will never bring up here. There are very few cases even now that I am certain that a group of people that I have hung out with that I can call friends. With today being a lot of things dealing with online and I am a little internet-ly challenged in some cases. I do not go on Facebook often. I still know for certain that the group of people that I was friends with in high school I am still friends with. I still hang out on Spring and Summer break last year a few times. Yet this is not about that. I still do not know when it can be counted as a friend. I do not know if someone I talk to online could be considered a friend as well.
I stayed back in first grade. I although it was due to me not understanding what was happening, looking back at it now I view it little bit as karma. I was a little bit of a bully. Years later the person I was a bully with, bullied me in high school. It was my past coming back to haunt me, my sins finally coming back, while his never left him. Each year after I stayed back my friends changed regularly. It seemed like they were trying ways constantly to get rid of me or leave me out in the games we played. The greatest example that I can think of was in the summer between fourth and fifth grade.
Where I am from there is this thing known as School Choice, which means if you are out of the school district you can still go to that school. The school in my town was not the greatest. So all the people I went to school with lived in several towns away. So, during summers I would not really be able to see them.
In my town there was a sort of day camp. You basically go in the morning and then leave in the late afternoon. A lot of kids where in the town go to school together, and it is divided by grade so people of the same grade play with one another. There were these kids I called my “friends.” Compared to back then I really believed we were friends. Looking back on it now, it was clear it was a lie.
The grounds of the day camp were the town’s high school. The bathrooms that we were allowed to go to were the locker rooms, which had lockers obviously. So in order for me to be one of them I needed to stay in the locker for ten minutes. They ran off, and since they did I went to find them. They were of course surprised I followed them. They did not know that the lockers could be opened from the inside, since there was no padlock for them. I did not realize this until years later it was just their way of trying to get rid of me.
Now that I am a junior in college I am still uncertain for people that I can call my friends. Being online now here at the Reviewer’s Corner, I am still uncertain if I can call any of the people I talk to on Twitter as friends, since we mostly met through here on my blog or on one of their posts. I have always been confused with that. When do you go from acquaintances to friends?
I am even uncertain about the people I have met in my classes if I can call them friends. I have tried. I have found people I have some things to talk about. After that class, we just stop talking. We do not see each other after that. Even if we add one another to Facebook we still do not talk to one another after that.
I mentioned I tried to join the anime club at one point. Although this is more of a story for another day, I found it hard to talk to people there. I could not really fit in. I joined a club last semester, and although I get along with my club mates, since it is a very small club, I do not know if they are considered friends either. Outside the club I do not talk to them, with the exception of when they are in my class. I am not really sure what to call them. They do not feel like acquaintances, but they do not feel like friends either, just something in between.
Friendship is rather confusing. Looking at my stories, some things tend to mimic my natural life. Sure there are some characters that are known as the childhood friend, and thus why they are friends has been established for some time, a part of it is due to the fact I have not seen my childhood friend in years and she more than likely does not remember me. The other characters join the team or are forced to know one another due to circumstances. They become friends naturally, but the transition feels like it happens behind the scenes. I will not touch upon dating, since I am equally confused with that, but I do not want to talk too much about the fact I have never been on a date at twenty two, since that has nothing to do with this particular conversation.
I am not really sure what dictates friendship. I know it does not have anything to do with what you have in common, since all my friends from high school we have very little in common. We are a bunch of rag tags thrown together. One was on the football team, another on the track, one is a redneck and will admit it, and one is a Marine, and so on. We just get along, it is that simple. Other than that I am not sure. Looking back on it now I have no idea how I became friends with all of them.
In my last year of high school I worried about the fact that I would not have any friends come college. We were all going our separate ways. The “Redneck” went to the same school as me, which was a huge sigh of relief for me, only we did not have time to talk to one another during the week, we did somehow by a miracle share a class together, which was nice. After that semester though he decided to drop out and go to a different school. He was also switching majors constantly as well. After that I was alone.
I will admit I became more used to the isolation. When I see other people all that is on my mind is how I want them to talk to me. When people finally do talk to me I wish they did not. People naturally form into groups in classes, yet I can never seem to get into any of them. No one tries to include me in their group either. Even if it is only for that class, I still cannot simulate having friends for that short amount of time or have the opportunity to form a natural bond that could be considered friendship.
The world is not meant for socially awkward people. I hate to say that but it is true. Human beings are naturally social by nature. I will not deny once I finally warm up to my surroundings, which seemingly has to reset after each semester, it can take a month or two to get used to the people around me and talk. It is always too late though. We are creatures that crave to be recognized and talk to one another. It can be odd sometimes. At the same time when you are alone you can realize things that people that are together would not have realized. I never know what to say to people. I never know what to do to start a conversation or hop into one that I could easily talk about when I hear people talking about it, although it more depends on the place and even how many are talking.
One thing I know, it all comes down to that courage to take the first step. At the same time when that first step is taken, I do not know what happens after that. Life is always confusing. Yet, it is also about taking that first step no matter what it is for, whether it is to make friends or something else entirely.
That is all that is on my mind for now. So, until next time, hopefully next time is a more uplifting one.
The word Otaku in Japanese is used as a derogatory term for someone who is obsessive about one particular subject. In America and some other parts of the world it has a slightly different meaning. It means someone who is into anime, manga, and other Japanese forms of culture. I am an American Otaku. I might actually be just a normal Otaku as well.
This is a secret that I have been keeping for some time. Although my presence online has been growing with the fact I am into anime and manga, my offline presence is not. Why I keep it a secret, well there are some reasons.
Anime sometimes does not have the greatest reputation to say the least. Although only my younger brother knows this secret, he still holds up the stereotypes of it as well as what other people see anime as. For example I walk into a room and there is some sort of tentacle monster on the television that is being used as a joke for a children’s cartoon. My brother giggles only to look back at me.
“I’m not even going to bother at this point,” I responded.
“I know, but it is still fun to tease you,” he replies.
I guess being teased by my younger brother comes with the territory. I am the oldest, and yes although I tease them from time to time, it only makes sense that he teases me. It is just one of those things. The reason why he does not get past that stereotype comes down to the deeper problem, which is he does not feel like it. I get used to it, and he gets annoyed when I bring up anything, but do not reveal the fact that I am into anime out loud, this always annoys him.
Now, back to my main point where if I were to mention Pokemon and the fact that is an anime, people have an idea what it could be. Although I do not consider hentai anime, people think that form of pornography is anime nevertheless and thinks that is all anime is something to do with tentacles and girls. Fan services as well, which in all honesty although the extremes of fan services have raised in anime in recent years, content that has less fan service has still been there always. But still, it is a small percentage of a medium and an already small group of people who are into it can be targeted as scapegoats.
Anime is different. There is no changing that. Manga is different. There is not changing that either. Yet, the small fraction of what people believe takes away from the fact on what it really is. It is a different form of storytelling. There is countless number of ways to look on it beyond just that, from characters, to concepts of changing genres. Yet, there is still the small fraction that people think about more.
Three years ago I got into anime. I will not lie and say that I did have the perspective that I just said on what I thought anime is. Without a doubt in anime, out of the several hundred that I have seen the number of stereotypes I could count on a hand or two at most, which can be focused more on a single genre rather than the medium itself.
Three years ago was when I first watched anime. What led to that was a sort of interesting story.
It was the summer between my junior and senior year of high school. The days were hotter and hotter the more time passed. My birthday that year I was given a laptop, so I was able to finally start writing my story. It not just pen and paper anymore but instead in the fashion of being typed on a computer screen. A part of me misses those days. Those simple days where I could write a single story over the span of months spending afternoons working on it in that chair that was never good for my back. The pen would be going against the paper with no worries of spelling or grammar errors. It was a different time before I entered the keys. Now it is not a single story, but several simultaneously. Although I am on the third draft of the series I want to publish now, I can say with confidence after this draft I will begin my search for an agent and try to get that life out into the world for others to experience it.
My story has always been important to me. I write about superheroes, and have been molding this particular story since seventh grade. I always wanted to be a writer, ever since second grade. It is my dream and my passion. So, with the fact I now had a computer it opened up a lot to me, namely one of the greatest inventions that exploded with my generation, the internet. So, with my ever growing passion for superheroes and movies being plentiful by the year, it is no surprise that that summer I was watching superhero cartoons to relive those glory days of my youth, even though I was only eighteen at the time.
The stories of heroes always inspired me. Fantasy stories as well. I would read fantasy stories or read comics regularly. Eventually my need of watching superhero cartoons was not just limited to that, but ones with fantasy elements as well. So going ahead a few months I saw a cartoon on television. That cartoon I decided to watch online, since finding time to myself on the television is rather hard when you only have two televisions, and two younger siblings with the youngest constantly watching a history based channels and the middle child complaining about the youngest. Once I finished watching that particular series I discovered it was an anime. Something clicked inside my mind. It was conflicted.
One side of my brain said, “No, that is not an anime, it is nothing like what anime is.”
The other side of my brain was saying, “Yes, it is an anime, so why not check out more series to prove to yourself that it is not what you believe it to be.”
I am a person that loves to prove myself wrong. I am also a person that loves to prove himself right. My mind is just like that, full of contradictions sometimes. Without the two sides ever conflicting and contradicting one another, I probably would not have taken that next step forward and watch anime. With that, and the help of the brilliance of abridge series, I would not have gotten into as much anime as I did.
There has been countless number of events that has happened in the last few years that got me to the point to where I am now. I have questioned this countless times before on why I watch it, why I find it interesting, and why I still keep it a remote secret. I am not really sure where my life will really take me, a current twenty two year old who besides being mature can be very immature at times, and I am not sure what will happen no matter what. I do not know how long I will enjoy this sort of medium. I do not know about a lot of things. I do not think anyone really does. But that is what life is about.
So, for now, this is only the beginning possibly starting at the middle of it all.
Well, that concludes this first post in the journal like post that will be documenting my thoughts and my everyday life.
Please comment on anything, if you want me to go into more detail or talk about a certain concepts and here my thoughts about it. Let me know, since this is something I plan to do for some time and getting ideas to make this more enjoyable for people would be appreciated. I want to try to get at least two out a month, but sometimes there might be more with things on my mind, or if people want to here me talk about a certain subject.
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